Lately, we had both been feeling pretty good about stopping at 3. On those days when temper tantrums and fights over space and stuff rang out...we felt really good about stopping at 3!
But still, those crazy seeds weren't dying! Jenny would sweetly mention adoption from time to time. I just wasn't feeling it. Our garden was plenty big and farming here is plenty tough. The reluctance had nothing to do with adoption. The reluctance was about the number 4!
I was in Nashville in late March visiting with a friend who is in the midst of an international adoption. I related Jenny's feelings to him and expressed my reluctance. A couple of days of later, he and his wife sent an email pledging $500 to 'the Dixon adoption' fund. We were floored by the timing and the kindness and the spirit of it all!
We sighed a timid 'ok, God.' Jenny & I agreed to pray together every night for the month of April. I thought this casual and reluctant exploration couldn't turn out that bad. It was like sticking your toe in the pool to test its temperature...worse case scenario, you recoil in minor discomfort but there's no real commitment because you're still upright on the side of the pool, right?
So it's the first night of praying together! Went fine. 'God if you need us to walk through this door, just make that obvious. We love you...etc., etc.' I'm driving to work the next morning still with my proverbial toe in the water and in complete control of my destiny. I can remember where I was on Highway 69 when God took His forearm and planted it squarely on my back and SHOVED me in, head first into the pool!
It was amazing and funny and powerful and humbling all in one motion! I sheepishly confessed to Jenny that night my reluctance had been miraculously disassembled. She couldn't believe it. Over the next few weeks, I found my conviction growing exponentially! My conversations with friends and fellow employees were all becoming an appeal for them to adopt a child too. I was out of control! At one point I even suggested Noah & his buddies should all go in together and adopt a kid from China or something. Ok, I've gotta bridle this passion - I understand.
One prayer later...we found ourselves filled with awe, passion, and insatiable hunger. I know for sure it doesn't always happen that way. But it did this time! We finished praying through the month. Our convictions have grown inexplicably and wildly. God is truly amazing!